And I Love You A Lot...

And here I sit down thinking about things that make me fall in love with her....The list would be endless but i thought i'd pen down a few for the time being...(This is for my baby, if at any point of time the rest of the world reads it they wont understand what i mean to say so dont break your head over it)

• Smiling seeing her smile
• Her warm n cuddly hug
• Watching her sleep in her slumber
• Talking to her for hours before going off to sleep
• Holding her while going off to sleep
• Listening to her talking in her sleep
• Waking her up with a deep kiss (although she wud get up before me almost everyday)
• Arguing over topics i'd love to talk crap about
• Irritating her with things that annoy her
• Irritating her with talks that annoy her
• Scaring her by hugging her n pretending to fall
• Listening to the scoldings i get after that
• Her explanations about how she gets pissed when i do things she would ask me not to do
• Her way of placing her hair behind her ears everytime they'd cover her eyes
• The swelling of cheeks everytime she laughed
• Them turning red when she'd get angry
• Being sarcastic about my past :-)
• Talking to me in the childish manner
• Giving me the liberty to put her in asylum if she'd continue this way 10 yrs from now
• Looking at me with eyebrows raised and mouth a lil open n no smile
• Smiling cheek to cheek with the "hehehe" sound
• Talking about her dreams n how she wants them
• Doing her best to pursue them
• Dressing up right for the right occasion
• Her fondness for her shoes
• Her addiction to cleanliness
• Doing things on time n not leaving them for the last moment
• Remembering even the stuffs that i need to do at times
• Being a perfect host
• Taking care of friends in her magical ways
• Trying to wink n ending up shutting both the eyes
• Staring at the sky n getting lost in her own world
• Fighting her own battles
• Asking for support whenever shes stuck
• Putting her hands up in air,arms close to her ears n a big smile everytime she achieves things shes looking forward to
• Dealing with anger by being absolutely quiet
• Laughing aloud in the movies n commenting
• Keeping the suspense of the movie even if she'd know it
• Holding my hand n kissing it softly
• Licking the stirrer after stirring her smirnoff n sprite
• Sticking to 3 cubes of ice with the above drink
• Being crazy about hip hop music
• Keeping books/novels as one night stands
• Hate to be disturbed while cooking
• Getting frustrated on realising water's run out
• Marketing "poshtho" in aaaloo ki sabji
• Admiring her dad everytime she spoke about him
• Admiring her bro everytime she spoke about him
• Getting worried about her friends when she knows they need her
• Making me look at her eyes everytime i'd look at her lips
• Biting hard with no consideration for this poor soul
• Threatening to slap me everytime she'd get pissed with me
• Slaps being restricted to two in number although they wud never be delivered
• Walking up n down everytime she'd talk over the phone
• Being considerate to people's feelings
• Understanding me so well
• Predicting my moves in almost all situations
• Catching me everytime i'd lie to her
• Shaking me to say things i'd keep within myself
• Giving me my space at the same time
• Promising and keeping her promises
• Talking non-stop about her fun years of past
• Trying to teach me baangla
• Talking to me in baangla
• Being on time or before time
• Resolving problems/misunderstandings by talking over
• Making her eyes do the talking most of the times
• Making me fall in love with her everytime i'd look at her, talk to her or think about her

Nobody lives without love...

Thought I would come up with my own words about her, but had to take help from a song...

Seems like I've gone off the side of a mountain
couldn't be sure I was even alive
fallen from the icy heights
landed with a broken cry
in this valley of shadow
sorrow and sighs

Nobody lives without love
nobody gets to give up
you can try to lock your heart away
the love will come back for you some day
nobody lives without love

Thought I could live my life as a stranger
hide from the heartbreak of love all life through ???
make it to the higher ground
try to turn the volume down
couldn't stop the sirens from singing

Nobody lives without love
nobody gets to give up
you can try to lock your heart away
the love will come back for you some day
nobody lives without love

You came along like a flash of your like... ???
crashed into my life like a runaway star
feels like I'm falling in gravity's action
I'm standing here offering a stranger my heart

You can even lock your heart away
the love will come back for it some day
since I got blown off the side of the mountain
couldn't be sure if I was even alive
thought I could live my life as a stranger
hide from the heartbreak of love...
but nobody lives without love

Lost and Found

Didnt know loosing a person from my life, from this world would make me loose my trust on her...

I had known my past for over a year and yet if I think about it I realise how little I knew about her. Her escapes from the real world, her escapes to her own shell, her escapes from the reality lead her to her death. Overdose of drugs or suicide could be termed as the cause of it but it all happened cos she wanted it from the very begining.

And during this entire journey I had my present standing with me, she said, no matter where you both end up going, I'll still be besides you. My present made me see things I was running away from, she made me realise my dream and to get back to it. The only trust which I couldnt find in my past was in my present from the start.

How did I not see it??? Why was she taken for granted??? And inspite of having her trust why did I have to go about breaking it???

It took me a lot of time to realise it, took me a lot sulking into myself, kept my eyes wet almost every nite, it scared me from going off to sleep cos tht was one place I couldnt control my mind and it took me to the stage where suicide was not considered evil.

It was only my present who could take me out of it and she did, she did it with no selfishness in spite of being hurt, she did it with the same love in spite of being betrayed, she did it with the same smile in spite of being hurt from inside...

I must have lost my past but I'm glad I found my present.I dont know what will happen the next moment, where will I be, wheer will you be, I dont know wat tomorrow will bring for me, I dont know about my future but I just hope my present ends up being my future.

What dreams tell us about ourselves???

We all experience one or more dreams that contain anxiety or outright fear. These experiences can be quite traumatic or become recurrent. At times, unpleasant dreams or nightmares repeat in actual content, the content may change while the theme remains the same, such as scenes of falling, or of being pursued or attacked, of being late or unprepared for class, a presentation or an exam, writing the exam but the pen getting stuck, knowing the answers but unable to complete the test on time. And at times dreams of being stuck in slow motion and unable to move, or of being naked in public, trying to shout out loud but voice getting lost in space as it never comes out of the mouth.

Do these recognize and solve related conflicts in life which we encounter everyday?

Ever had dreams of people whom you forgot long time back, with whom you were not in touch all this while, about whom you didnt think for all these days or months or years but they still existed in your sub conscious mind and appear in your dream for a very brief moment. But when you think of it, if this person would have been someone whom you interact to almost everyday, you wouldnt give it a second thought but the blast from the past out of no where makes you wonder how come?? and why this person after so many days???