30 mar 2010

the past few months have changed me,it has changed me in a personal
level...the way i think,the way i behave,the way i react to things is
different from wat it was before....i have been wid people apart frm u
wid whom i've laughed,with whom i've enjoyed moments,wid whom i've
been upset on things,wid whom i've cursed people,wid whom i've dealt
wid problems,wid whom i've faced problems,wid whom i've conversed,wid
whom i've shared my thoughts,wid whom i've changed...the overall
experience has made me a much calmer person,i've learnt to b more
patient wid time,i've learnt to think more than i usually do,i've also
become equally forgetful...it hurts to know tht v r evolving in
different levels yet r not able to share the experiences on a one on
one basis at tht moment....its difficult to realise tht wid time v r
slowly becoming different individuals who can now deal wid problems on
their own n dont necessarily need the other person to help him/her
out...

the nlp course u did had a life altering affect on u,i feel bad as
i wasnt their by ur side to share the experience or change...even
today to me it mite not seem tht important as i havent seen the glow n
the spark in ur eyes,but i still realise from wat u've told me tht its
been once in a lifetime experience for u....m not there wen u apply
the techniques u learnt n see the changes in people,the changes in
u,the changes in life by itself,maybe it makes me come out of the loop
as every one else gets to see this...by the time m back things will b
different,the excitement for the whole experience wud've
diminished,the changes seen in others wud b just nother thing...but in
the end,i also know tht wen m back i'll have u to take me back to the
same time where the changes started forming n i dont think growing up
as individuals is such a bad thing cos wen v grow/evolve/change as
individuals so do v as a couple....

theres this thought of urs to sail wid me the next time,n theres
this child inside me whos excited just by the thout of it,who wants u
to come right now,to forget ur work for sumtime n be wid me,but then
theres this practical side of me who wants u to make the decision
based on ur work schedule,who says u shud carry on wid ur work n not
break the flow just because of my selfish need of not being
lonely....i know which side of me m wid but the decision shall be urs
n my thouts shudnt influence it.

22 mar 2010

why do i always plan to come back to sea wen i know it hurts parting
frm my wife,wen i hate to leave her alone,wen i know the coming months
will b spent talking to myself,wen i'll have my own selves to share my
problems wid,to laugh at my mistakes,to take out my anger on me,to
smile at stupid jokes,to console myself tht it'll b over soon....
why is it tht i choose to miss on the good things in my life by being
away from it,tht i make the choice of living such a life...i tried
reasoning it to myself for so many years n the reasons varied all the
times...this time,i have a house to buy,have parent's loan to
re-pay,need to move ahead in my career,have to secure our future wid
savings...
the passion to sail will always live wid me,its a different world
here...a world where things move in a completelty different dimension
as compared to how it does in land,its a world of beautiful sunrises n
evenings,its a world of clean air,its a world of beautiful
landfalls,its a world of most difficult cargo operations,its a world
where m assigned resposibilities to cargo n ship tht amount to more
than i can imagine,its also a world of depression,a world of
loneliness,a world where u deal wid the worst of people,a world tht
makes u think before u act,a world where a small mistake or negligence
results in loss of life let alone the pollution tht wud affect people
who live ashore....
some people i deal wid turn out to b gems as i get to know them
closely n some turn out to b a**holes as they have always been,dealing
wid them or various situations only changes the way i look at life in
a broader picture,it has changed me in the past n it still will change
me in future...v humans r influenced by the people amongst whom v grow
up,they change our personality,our character,they make us wat v
become,i can say i've grown up in this world,it is this world which
makes me wat i m today....
i still reason wid myself if leaving the other world everytime i
become a part here is really worth it...