22 mar 2010

why do i always plan to come back to sea wen i know it hurts parting
frm my wife,wen i hate to leave her alone,wen i know the coming months
will b spent talking to myself,wen i'll have my own selves to share my
problems wid,to laugh at my mistakes,to take out my anger on me,to
smile at stupid jokes,to console myself tht it'll b over soon....
why is it tht i choose to miss on the good things in my life by being
away from it,tht i make the choice of living such a life...i tried
reasoning it to myself for so many years n the reasons varied all the
times...this time,i have a house to buy,have parent's loan to
re-pay,need to move ahead in my career,have to secure our future wid
savings...
the passion to sail will always live wid me,its a different world
here...a world where things move in a completelty different dimension
as compared to how it does in land,its a world of beautiful sunrises n
evenings,its a world of clean air,its a world of beautiful
landfalls,its a world of most difficult cargo operations,its a world
where m assigned resposibilities to cargo n ship tht amount to more
than i can imagine,its also a world of depression,a world of
loneliness,a world where u deal wid the worst of people,a world tht
makes u think before u act,a world where a small mistake or negligence
results in loss of life let alone the pollution tht wud affect people
who live ashore....
some people i deal wid turn out to b gems as i get to know them
closely n some turn out to b a**holes as they have always been,dealing
wid them or various situations only changes the way i look at life in
a broader picture,it has changed me in the past n it still will change
me in future...v humans r influenced by the people amongst whom v grow
up,they change our personality,our character,they make us wat v
become,i can say i've grown up in this world,it is this world which
makes me wat i m today....
i still reason wid myself if leaving the other world everytime i
become a part here is really worth it...