30 mar 2010

the past few months have changed me,it has changed me in a personal
level...the way i think,the way i behave,the way i react to things is
different from wat it was before....i have been wid people apart frm u
wid whom i've laughed,with whom i've enjoyed moments,wid whom i've
been upset on things,wid whom i've cursed people,wid whom i've dealt
wid problems,wid whom i've faced problems,wid whom i've conversed,wid
whom i've shared my thoughts,wid whom i've changed...the overall
experience has made me a much calmer person,i've learnt to b more
patient wid time,i've learnt to think more than i usually do,i've also
become equally forgetful...it hurts to know tht v r evolving in
different levels yet r not able to share the experiences on a one on
one basis at tht moment....its difficult to realise tht wid time v r
slowly becoming different individuals who can now deal wid problems on
their own n dont necessarily need the other person to help him/her
out...

the nlp course u did had a life altering affect on u,i feel bad as
i wasnt their by ur side to share the experience or change...even
today to me it mite not seem tht important as i havent seen the glow n
the spark in ur eyes,but i still realise from wat u've told me tht its
been once in a lifetime experience for u....m not there wen u apply
the techniques u learnt n see the changes in people,the changes in
u,the changes in life by itself,maybe it makes me come out of the loop
as every one else gets to see this...by the time m back things will b
different,the excitement for the whole experience wud've
diminished,the changes seen in others wud b just nother thing...but in
the end,i also know tht wen m back i'll have u to take me back to the
same time where the changes started forming n i dont think growing up
as individuals is such a bad thing cos wen v grow/evolve/change as
individuals so do v as a couple....

theres this thought of urs to sail wid me the next time,n theres
this child inside me whos excited just by the thout of it,who wants u
to come right now,to forget ur work for sumtime n be wid me,but then
theres this practical side of me who wants u to make the decision
based on ur work schedule,who says u shud carry on wid ur work n not
break the flow just because of my selfish need of not being
lonely....i know which side of me m wid but the decision shall be urs
n my thouts shudnt influence it.

22 mar 2010

why do i always plan to come back to sea wen i know it hurts parting
frm my wife,wen i hate to leave her alone,wen i know the coming months
will b spent talking to myself,wen i'll have my own selves to share my
problems wid,to laugh at my mistakes,to take out my anger on me,to
smile at stupid jokes,to console myself tht it'll b over soon....
why is it tht i choose to miss on the good things in my life by being
away from it,tht i make the choice of living such a life...i tried
reasoning it to myself for so many years n the reasons varied all the
times...this time,i have a house to buy,have parent's loan to
re-pay,need to move ahead in my career,have to secure our future wid
savings...
the passion to sail will always live wid me,its a different world
here...a world where things move in a completelty different dimension
as compared to how it does in land,its a world of beautiful sunrises n
evenings,its a world of clean air,its a world of beautiful
landfalls,its a world of most difficult cargo operations,its a world
where m assigned resposibilities to cargo n ship tht amount to more
than i can imagine,its also a world of depression,a world of
loneliness,a world where u deal wid the worst of people,a world tht
makes u think before u act,a world where a small mistake or negligence
results in loss of life let alone the pollution tht wud affect people
who live ashore....
some people i deal wid turn out to b gems as i get to know them
closely n some turn out to b a**holes as they have always been,dealing
wid them or various situations only changes the way i look at life in
a broader picture,it has changed me in the past n it still will change
me in future...v humans r influenced by the people amongst whom v grow
up,they change our personality,our character,they make us wat v
become,i can say i've grown up in this world,it is this world which
makes me wat i m today....
i still reason wid myself if leaving the other world everytime i
become a part here is really worth it...

Life on board Richmond Bridge

26 Dec'09

It was in Jun'09 wen i was transitting thru the gulf of aden in maharshi shubhatreya,v were coming out of the gulf into the open sea,in the evening i hear on vhf the distress message transmitted by one of the ships,she was being attacked by the pirates,she kept shouting v r under fire,v r being fired at,v request assistance but none of the warships patrolling tht area heard them.i recorded the message n had tht ship's name but never paid attention to its name. I joined Richmond Bridge on 17th Dec'09 early morning at 0100Hrs while transitting thru suez,the freeboard was soo low i couldnt believe me putting my luggage by hand from the shore boat to the ship's main deck. We were to head for gulf of aden yet again to proceed towards far east. The next day we got a alot of stuff from company in the name of measures to take for security.The time was limited and so was the manpower,so we managed to make the bars which would be attached to the ship's side and the barbed wire would pass thru them. We got the steel plates put up around bridge to prevent any bullets coming in. We rigged fire hoses with deflector plates so tht all the water wud b concentratd on going to any boats planning to board us. We had wire mesh for the window in front of the bridge but time wasnt permitting us to put tht up. We had around 50 sand bags to be put up at the brige wing to prevent any RPGs or gun fire but time again didnt permit us to put them in place. We had a meeting prior entering the area with all the crew and that is wen i came to know tht Richmond Bridge was once attacked arnd the gulf of aden a couple of months back. The chain of incidents sounded familiar,so i went back to my cabin to listen to the recording of tht ship n it wasnt a surprise to know tht the other day the ship asking for assistance was Richmond Bridge.She was going unescorted,was attcked by arnd 10 pirate boats but managed to break their attempts by its own manouevres. We transitted thru the gulf of aden in group transit,we didnt have any warships escorting us but were going wid the rest of the merchant ships,the whole passage was peaceful and most importantly without any attcks or attempts. Slowly as the days passed,i learnt that the condition of the ship was bad but it was worse earlier. The ship was taken over by anglo crew in Feb'09,she had completed just abt 10 months wid the new management,but she was 18 years old. The crew who had been part of take over had the worst of times,they had put down their papers to resign from the active duties atleast 6 times in deifferent occasions during their stay here. The conditions were the main concern,imagine a ship were the A/C doesnt work at all,its so hot during night tht everyone in the ship slept out on the main deck everyday. The water supply was a big issue,there wud be water supply for just 1 hour during the day or none at all,during winters it used to b chilled water thru the taps,n during hot sunny days it wud b hot water flowing out. The sewage system was worse,it dint work for months so everyone used the scuppers on maindeck for those months. Its not tht bad except the A/C,the rest of the issues dont exist now n the A/C isnt tht bad tht one has to sleep on open deck,it does get hot inside though. I was surprised how everything goes bad here,had a strong reason to quit staying here too but tht wud only mean i'll run away from the challenges,so gave up tht thought too..afterall,someone rightly said,Anyone can take the helm at calm waters.It was on 21st Dec early morning arnd 5am,i get a call from 2/O saying tht hes seen a lot of sparks coming from forward store,i rush up and realise tht i need to go forward to have a look....n on reaching forward its the biggest surprise of my life n my career,the stbd anchor has gone overboard,we lost it in the middle of the ocean,it broke all the extra wire lashings we had taken,broke the bow stopper and went giving out huge sparks which v had suspected as being fire...later we realised tht heavy weather n shipping seas loosened the brakes of the windlass,nobody agreed to it though until i had to prove it to the captain....10 shackles(1 shackle is 27.5 mtrs)of chain gone along with it into the open sea, we couldnt believe but had to.On 3rd Jan'10 we stopped at singapore OPL to pick up a new anchor from the barge....the whole operation had to b carried out using our resources,v declined tht use of shore crane as it was costly....the picking up of anchor cable was going fine,v had sufficient slack to put over our windlass tracks to use our windlass power n stop using the spring wire v were using uptil now to pick up the cable slowly,taking stoppers in between using wire lashings...just wen v thought it wud b a smooth operation,v realised tht the cable started slipping frm the barge,it went into the water,took the anchor lying in the barge n with the great jerk it caused,it shook the winch which had spring wire attached to one of its end....the barge supervisor n one of our company guys were just looking at the cable slipping until i averted them of the jerk it cud cause,luckily they moved out well in advance but v were not lucky enuf to stop the anchor n the cable from going into the water....now wid just the spring wire being the only contact wid 11 shackles of cable n the anchor,v cudnt heave up the enormous weight wid our lil winch....v spent hours deciding different techniques,until after 6-7 hrs v decided to pass on the wire to the barge which had stronger winch n tht wud in turn pull up the cable....the operation started arnd 12 in the noon n although v expected it to last a maximum of 2 hours,it went on till 4 in the morning wen v had the whole cable n the anchor on board....wen v sailed i lashed the brakes too wid wire slings as i didnt want to dismiss the fact tht it wud slip everytime v encountered rough weather....the rest of the days went by calmly,v prepared ourselves for the inspection expected at korea...this was imporatnt as richmond bridge had been blacklisted in her previous inspections,she was in everybody's eyes by now n everybody wanted to see each n every thing to make sure if shes really seaworthy,this is one term which i wud deny fit her in any way,but thts my opinion as a mate sailing here...v reached korea on 12th n were told tht its gonna b a long anchorage till v berth anytime now....the ABS survey was overdue,v had to pass it widout n observation cos failure in this wud mean none of the inspections can ever take place on board n tht wud in turn mean tht the ship is officially unseaworthy in all respects...v had the survey on 19th Jan,n v passed it widout any observation,the surveyor did comment tht the ship is in a much better condition than it was before,it was this compliment tht v longed to hear all this while....On 20th Jan,arnd 1330 Hrs,an announcement was made on PA,2/O looking for me,i ran upto the bridge,saw a ship,Rainbow star drifting dangerously close to us,i knew wat was happening,ran forward wid a walkie talkie,had my cadet n 3/O wid me,the rest of the crew joined me on the way...on reaching forward captain informs me tht v dont have engines ready right now so v helplessly stand there,v decided to slack some more of our cable so tht v cud drift away from the other drifting ship....there v were standing forward,looking at the huge tanker,drifting just past our forward,she stopped close to our starboard bow n after sumtime started coming closer to us....it was not till she was right ahead of us wen v got our engines,v went a lil astern giving her more space,the distance estimated was abt 100 mtrs,less than our own ship's length...only if v dint have our engines by then she wud have collided wid us,the damage is sumthing i wudnt want to think abt as she was loaded wid crude oil n v were fully loaded wid butadiene,thinking of arnd 9500MT of Butadiene n more than 1,00,000 cubics of crude oil getting into water n resulting in any explosion cos of the collision is beyond me...the rough weather,choppy seas n her dragging her anchor contributed to the whole scenario...wen she was clear of us,she got her engine powers n went off....v stood there as v were before wondering how close v were n how huge she looked wen she was so close to us... a couple of days later on 12th feb,exactly a month since v anchored here in ulsan,early morning arnd 2 am i get nother call....its the 2nd officer yet again n the situation turned out to b similar to wat v had before,there was nother ship called venuzs dragging dangerously close to us,the weather was bad,wind force was upto 7 beaufort scale n the sea was choppy as ever wid swell going up n down pushing sprays all over the deck...v didnt have much of choice but to pick up the anchor n drift out...the port authorities were informed n they suggested the same to move out of the anchorage....the rough sea demanded the anchors be lashed before v get into nother trouble...wid temperature going down to sub zero,sea water spraying n hitting us all over the deck it took us atleast 2 hours to lash the anchors n by the time v were done i was completely drenched was shivering in the cold n sumhow felt the pain on my spine....v drifted outside the port limits for 2 days untill the weather calmed down,n anchored yet again to wait for further instructions to touch the port....finally on 16th feb wid improvement of weather v were called in to discharge one parcel of butadiene...v had all the inspections tht were due all this while,it went much better than v expected,the ship isnt blacklisted anymore,shes been certified seaworthy n got remarks as being in a much better condition than she was in before.....

What was I doing????

wen the rest of the world was celebrating xmas,singing christmas carol, wat was i doing?wen the rest of them were kissing their loved ones on this new year's eve, wat was i doing?wen the people i know rememberd me on my birthday,wat was i doing?wen the valentines day was celebrated the world over,wat was i doing?wat was i doing wen it was a pleasant evening,wen the sunshine filled my house,wen the breaking news broke everyday in the tele,wen the get together wid friends was a fine event,wen the movie watched wid friends was nother great experience although the movie sucked big time,wen our car had to go for her routine servicing,wen our home lease renewal had to be done,wen a close friend of mine got married n everyone attended it,wen the evenings seen from our balcony looked beautiful,wen the summers took over winters,wen orion was still easier to find amongst the rest of the stars,wen another new version of cell phone was introduced to the rest of the world,wen the politicians played yet another politics,wen the rising prices of daily needs bothered everyone,wen simple visits to or by friends lead to dinners n conversations???? yes,i remember,i remember wat i did...i was trying to prepare my ship to pass through pirate infested area widout any attacks,i was praying none of the pirates attacked us as v passed thru tht area,i was trying to change the attitude of people on board,i was trying to make it a better ship,i was making plans to pick up our lost anchor in the middle of the ocean,i was preparing my ship for the numerous inspections tht were due as she was blacklisted in the recent past,i was doing my best to make her seaworthy,i was shivering in the negative temperature wen work cudnt stop,i was bleeding from my nose cos of the winters in korea,i was sleeping wid my lights on in the nights as the nightmares re-visited me,i was trying to stop the leaks of butadiene on deck as the amount which a human nose detects is 1000ppm whereas its just 10ppm required to cause cancer in a human body so before i cud smell it had already caused harm to my body,i was dealing wid work areas where such leaks were a common thing,i was unable to sleep for longer stretchs as the emergencies ranged from dragging of anchor,blackouts,slipping of anchor,stopping the leaks on board,repairing equipments ignored for the past years,updating records tht the previous guys ignored all this while,taking risks in my daily routine,breaking my head over the simplest problems which only got bigger wid time....was it a different world i lived in in the past months cos it always looks different to me everytime i stepped into it,why is it tht i missed each world i left n wen i was in them always wished to be on the other one...wen will i learn to except the fact tht i never belonged to either of them n never will,wen will i accept things move on n they always will...

Things happening around

Past few days went by in deciding which company I should join to sail back and finally went back to Anglo Eastern,my good old company from yesteryears.
sailing should begin again in a month's time, but this time it'll be for just 4 months n not more than that.
Corn on my right leg refuses to leave me,been trying the corn caps,i hope that should take care of that. The new gaadi had her 1st servicing done too and sis lans to visit india for a month in the coming week, that wud mean more visits to dad.

People say people change

People change with time,yes they do....i say,maybe they do or they just pretend to change with times. Since coming back home from sail I visited mom a few times, dad was the same way, didnt want to look at me and even if he did by mistake ignored my presence. Now its been 2 years since our marriage and sis says its about time he should CHANGE, he should acknowledge my presence and give up his anger. After a lot of brainstorming done by her, it did have an effect. The next time I went to see mom, he spoke with me and so he did with wifey. If he's really changed is beyond me as he has taken this step upon being told, but nevertheless I spoke to him after about 2 years. There wasnt much of bitterness in his voice but its not difficult to read your own father's mind.

Rendezvous with self

Me: So how does it feel coming back home after such a long time?
Me Again: (Smiles) It feels good, its really been a long time, the last time I sailed for this long was 5 years back,at that time I was single and now it DID feel difficult but getting back is always good.
M: Heard you got your promotion in this trip?
MA: Yeah,it was long awaited, moreover I had to wait for 4 months till the previous guy had to sign off during my tenure.
M:Was it different taking over the role of chief officer?
MA: Yes it was, its a big change in responsibility. In my previous rank I was involved with a very limited area of work but as C/O the responsibilities change drastically,you are involved with every small and big operations that are part of our daily routines on board. From being a navigating officer you are transformed to the managerial post where you make the plans,implement them and make sure they are followed. Cargo being the most important of all turns out to be your baby, that involves making cargo plans,taking care of stability,dealing with shore guys to co ordinate hassle free cargo operations,any shortcomings on your part could lead to claims of huge amounts to the company .
Apart from the cargo part theres a hell lot of other things to take care of too. Being second in command makes you be a part of decision making when it comes to extreme situations, everyone looks upto you for what ever you decide. Yes,this rank gives you a lot of power but it gives you equal amount of responsibility to live upto.
M: Where there times when you got stuck in certain situations?
MA: I wouldnt deny i didnt get stuck anywhere, but I was lucky to have a very co-operative captain and he would guide me correctly out of it. It'll be difficult to narrate the incidents as they would get technical but to put it in simple words,he acted like my guiding star.
M: Did you miss your better half not being besides you?
MA: Yes I did, a lot of times. Her being around would have made things look simpler,the tensed situations would look easier but we had our own commitments to fulfill,besides I had to learn to face and deal with my own problems.
M: I have heard so much about the modern day pirates,any encounters with them?
MA: (Laughs) We were lucky to not have any encounters with them. It sounds all exciting when we sit here and talk or hear about them but when the conditions lead you to transit close to them the real issues come up. We did transit through the Gulf of Aden, but we took the help of Indian warship to escort us through the region. We were supposed to transit gulf of aden,the company was advised and they in turn advised that we should take help of the indian warships assisting other ships in transiting through. We were given the position to rendezvous the warship and wat a surprise...the position given by the company as RV posn was 28 miles off.....v were corrected by other ships tht v were going in the wrong direction...wen the company was told of their fuck up,they realise tht they had given us old co-ordinates of the vessel,sumthing tht was 7 mnths old.....here v were getting ourselves prepared to prevent any pirate attack n the company sitting there sends us to the wrong place!!!!!it was embarassing for n indian flagged vessel to not b aware of the indian warship's position wen the company in mumbai is supposed to have the latest info on the same.... the transit of 2 days was peaceful,all my appreciation n respect to the warship accompaning us,they were as professional as they cud b n the whole transit has increased my respect n regard to the indian navy....everyone involved in tht ship deserved standing ovation for the good work n the bravery tht they showed in being the first to encounter any suscpicious boat arnd us 5 ships involved in the transit....my salute to the brave soldiers who have been in this region for soo long n r carrying out operations to assist us in carrying out ours...m proud of u guys...u made me proud to call myself n indian.
M: Any incident in particular that scared you enough during the tenure?
MA: (Raises eyebrows) There was a time when we were involved with repair of one of the equipments of our cargo tanks. We were left with no other option but to enter in. The tank was full of buatne vapours with no sign of oxygen to support life. The person entering inside would have to wear SCBA-Self Contained Breathing Apparatus,this has a capacity of providing fresh air for 30 mins approximately,which would mean the time spent inside the tank should at no time go beyond 30 mins and if theres a slip or fall inside then things would have been different and would involve mere rescue operation. Well, I volunteered for it,enetered in,it was cold because of butane vapours. All went well,got the work done by 15 mins and I was out finally. The whole incident would have been fatal if there were ifs and buts involved, but then i here and it wasnt that bad.
M: What plans for the vacation?
MA: Will spend time with spouse, got loads of plans planned with her, got a lot of places to visit and yes will sleep a lot.