back from nowhere

Somebody asked me the other day as to y i didnt blog anymore,n all i cud tell her was tht i dint wanna write down sumthing which i shud b discussing with her n now i sit here to write this blog again,its not tht i cant talk to her abt it,its just tht i wanna write abt it too...
n i came back frm the long sail,want to start the next phase of my life whereby i wanna b with sumone forever...all this while,my world has been my lil family of bro,sis,mom n dad...bro n sis moved on with their better halves n their lifes,twas just mom n dad who'd b there wenever i was away or back home...but it changed wid time,SHE came in my life n i was happier...its not a comparison m doing here but i knew i found sumone wid whom i wanted to spend the rest of my life with....
back home wen i was abt to tell them abt HER i knew they wud not understand it....for them m still the kid who shud ask his parents for his decisions....wen i used to look at them laughing n being happy at small things i wud b happy too but there was sumthing within me always telling me tht its gonna end very soon,n its me,its only me whos gonna ruin it all,i wud smile frm outside but weep frm deep within...it all looked like fantasy tht was abt to b brought to a sad end very soon....it was such a strange situation i was put into tht i knew wat is gonna happen ahead n i knw m gonna go abt doing it n even after knowing it all it wud only leave hurting them....i wanted to tell them not to like me,not to b happy cos of me cos i dint deserve it,wanted to tell them at the same time tht watever i wud go abt doing,my love for them will never decrease but i knew i wudnt b looked at tht way....
n the day came wen i had to talk to mom abt HER...she felt hurt n betrayed yet again,all her hopes came tumbling down,she cried but she knew she was crying before sumone who doesnt even care for her tears,how i wanted to tell her how much i was hurt on seeing her cry n the irony of it was i was the one making her cry...all the caring n happy talks v had all this while seemed fake to her,she saw me as the most selfish son in this planet who had done everything in his life as per his wishes n not cared for his parents...i knew it wasnt true n deep within she knows it too...she wept n said,all they wanted was my happiness,shes seen the situations going worse twice at home now n she didnt want the same happening again,but then history has the dirty habit of repeating itself...she was looking so helpless asking her son about her desires as a mother n all i could give her were tears....seeing them unhappy wud b the last thing i wud want,they will always b my priority but i cant give up on HER for them,i just cant...